One Liners: Joe Biden, LEGOs, Escape From New York, Amazon Drones, the NYC Subway & more!

"These scientists don't know what they're talking about!" - Trump typing on smart phone made by science. When they reboot Escape from New York, will it be about getting home during rush hour? The other day I was all itchy. Think it was from my last batch of laundry. Maybe something in the laundromat? I’m... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Oreos, Bloodhounds, Dating Apps, April Fools Day, Escape From New York, Sneezing, and More!!

I’m starting to realizing on these dating apps “Hi, you look different in all your pictures,” isn't a good pick up line.  This woman on the E Train just sneezed in French. Can bloodhounds get lost?  They should change the "Like" button on these dating apps to “Eh, I guess”.  If you're going to genetically... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Koalas, Dominos Pizza, The Subway, Trump’s Border Wall, $11 Smoothies, Dad Bod & More!

I prefer to date women who don’t use the word “seriously” twice in the same sentence.  It’s so hot outside the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs. At this point, we need a middle of the road President. We’re too divided, and we don’t know what’s true any more. Either that or a cute Koala bear.... Continue Reading →

One Liners: IHOb, Dennis Rodman, the North Korean Summit, the CIA, Justin Trudeau, and More!

Dennis Rodman arrived in Singapore early for the North Korea Summit . Makes sense. Power forwards are normally down the court first anyway. I bet the Wilpons are anxious to find the Mets some North Korean pitching prospects. That's not Dennis Rodman; that's Trumps' attitude in human form. You know the one he was going... Continue Reading →

New VA Secretary Ronny Jackson Somehow Determines All Veterans Are 6’3″, 239lbs.

Washington D.C. - After sadly being named the new VA Secretary, former Trump doctor Ronny Jackson's first order business was for some reason determining that all veterans are 6'3", 239 lbs. "Oh really? That's the same height and weight I announced for the president? Wow, that's...  uhh... pretty amazing, right? Well, those were my numbers.... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Project Runway, Lo Mein, Tupac, Rick Astley, & More!

What if Project Runway was a show about new airports? So Trump fired James Comey, the man who is investigating him. I did Nazi that coming. Those Lo Mein noodles were terrible. More like "Lo Meintenance" noodles if you ask me. I was listening to Tupac earlier on my Sony Woke-man. You’d think after 100+... Continue Reading →

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