Stop the Presses! Here are some EXTRA Headlines for July 8th, 2018:
SECRETARY OF LARPING IS SAFE FROM TRUMP FIRING BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS IT’S A THING
PATIENT NOT TAKING GUM-CHEWING DENTIST’S ADVICE SERIOUSLY
GENTRIFIER FROM BROOKLYN IRONICALLY PROTESTS COLUMBUS STATUE
FLAT SCREEN TV REALLY WANTS IMPLANTS
BODEGA CAT ALSO PARKS CARS ON WEEKEND
7-11 CLOSES SOMETIMES WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING
BARBER SHAVES MAN’S HEAD DOWN TO A NUB
BUS DRIVER INTRODUCES NEW JUMP, TUCK, AND ROLL DROP OFF
PIGEONS JUST PATIENTLY WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT
