EXTRA! EXTRA! JUST EXTRA HEADLINES! 7-8-18

NotoffthePress Extra ExtraStop the Presses! Here are some EXTRA Headlines for July 8th, 2018:

 

SECRETARY OF LARPING IS SAFE FROM TRUMP FIRING BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS IT’S A THING

 

PATIENT NOT TAKING GUM-CHEWING DENTIST’S ADVICE SERIOUSLY

 

GENTRIFIER FROM BROOKLYN IRONICALLY PROTESTS COLUMBUS STATUE

 

FLAT SCREEN TV REALLY WANTS IMPLANTS

 

BODEGA CAT ALSO PARKS CARS ON WEEKEND

 

7-11 CLOSES SOMETIMES WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING

 

BARBER SHAVES MAN’S HEAD DOWN TO A NUB

 

BUS DRIVER INTRODUCES NEW JUMP, TUCK, AND ROLL DROP OFF 

 

PIGEONS JUST PATIENTLY WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT 

 

LOST ANCIENT SCROLLS TURNED OUT TO BE JUST JESUS’ RECIPE FOR A BLT

Dentist Baffled By Patient’s Joke About How Smart Her Wisdom Teeth Are

Brick, NJ – Frozen in his tracks with the uncertainty of a frightened deer, Dr. Leonard Ramsey, DDS, was completely baffled by his patient’s joke about how smart her wisdom teeth were. “He just had this bank stare on his face like he was posing for his own wax statue. It was as if he has never heard a joke before. I think he took it quite literally,” said a perplexed Jaclyn Mills who was still waiting for her cleaning to commence. “I usually use it as an ice breaker because dentist visits make me nervous, but I think I trapped this guy in some sort of parallel universe. Maybe there’s some key word I can say to snap him out of it like in the movies. ” At press time, Dr. Ramsey’s left eye may have blinked when Mills yelled out the word “handkerchief”.