All the fake news that isn't fit to print!
Bridgeport, CT - Believing this was his best and most likely last shot to make the trip smoother, 57 year-old bus driver Harry Latimer promised a sing-a-long if the commuters behave. "Now listen everyone, if we can all just settle down and be quiet, I promise for the rest of the trip we can sing '99... Continue Reading →
New York, NY - Braving the downpour with a William Wallace-like stare of shear courage and ferocity, 48-yr-old accountant Stuart Anderson marched down 6th Ave. with his inside-out $10 umbrella determined to get his money's worth. "No rains can stop us from forging ahead to the promise land! Our journey is the story they will... Continue Reading →
Milford, DE - Counting down the footsteps until walking into her sister-in-law's newly furnished living room, Ashley Hughes couldn't wait to passive- aggressively tell her brother's wife Kate how bad her decorating was. "Kate, I just love what you've done with the place considering you had so much time extra to think about it. I... Continue Reading →
Elgin, IL - With an assured grin and a positive head nod suggesting he has done this before, 17-year-old cashier Joe Blum is confident one plastic bag will hold two cartons of milk. "You got this Mrs. Seagle. You got this," confirms Blum as his direct eye contact gives hope to his paying customer, 71-year-old... Continue Reading →
Miami, FL - "El Capitan" himself Derek Jeter has made another footnote in his short tenure as Miami Marlins owner with a blockbuster deal that trades himself back to the New York Yankees in order to help the Marlins turn things around. "I'm a team-first guy as you know, and I made certain when I... Continue Reading →
Queens, NY - Surprised by their National League leading 13-5 record so far, the New York Mets ensured everyone that despite the great start to the season, they're confident they can still let the fans down. "We know what we're capable of, and we know we can still be disappointing, " stated GM Sandy Alderson... Continue Reading →
Chandler, AZ - Feeling almost certain this may just be the right house to start their lives together, newlyweds Chad and Britney Caleia ask the realtor if the crawl space is good enough to hide the bodies. "We want to make sure we have enough space. We plan on having a few kids, and I'll... Continue Reading →
Freeport, NY - Exhausted from a long sweltering day of endless spinning in the blistering summer heat, a tired ceiling fan reminded the homeowners they have air conditioning. "Guys! Please... for the love of humanity... turn on the goddamn air conditioner!!! You installed the damn thing for this very reason!" exclaimed the desperate ceiling fan... Continue Reading →
Tysons, VA - Followed by a huge sigh of relief from future tenants as they dab the sweat off their foreheads, TechCom CEO George Bakersoll announced the company's new office building will feature urinals that don't bite. "With the changing times, comes changing technology, and I feel this effort will lead our company in the... Continue Reading →
Seattle, WA - Tenaciously hitting the send button to message his former mates with one hand while holding his tambourine in the other, Brian McBride seems to be the only one making an effort to get the band back together. "I was waiting for my unemployment check when it hit me - I need to get the band back... Continue Reading →