ONE LINERS: John Wick, Sour Patch Kids, Disney+, Fall, 5 Hour Energy, and More!

Gotta love the fall. I’m hot and cold at the same time. Disney+ is warning about tobacco use in their films. So naturally, like all tobacco warnings, everyone is ignoring it. A John Wick reboot but instead of guns and knives, it’s just pies. When we set the clocks back, we will get an extra... Continue Reading →


Did Sherlock Holmes’ friends call him “Sherly”? My upstairs neighbor must have changed her name to "Done". Everyday I hear her on phone shouting, "I'm done! I'm done!!" They never mentioned bathing in Star Wars. You’d think somebody would say, “I just fought dozens of drooling slimy alien monsters. I may want to go wash... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Casual Friday, Emojis, Chipotle, Steven A. Smith, the Tour de France and More!!!

I liked to know what casual Friday is like at the Playboy offices. The funny part about Spike Lee backing young filmmakers is that they all gentrified his neighborhood. I can't keep up with modern society. I just typo'd an emoji. There shouldn't be such a thing as potato salad. You can't make a salad... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Birdbox, Scaffolding, Sherlock Holmes, Black Friday, #AMA, Star Wars, & More!

Birdbox is about not being able to see. So to honor the film, I won’t watch it. The concept of "force projection" in the Star Wars universe is the equivalent to working from home in ours.  I feel guilty that I’m on my phone too much. So instead of Siri I have "Sorri".  Why is... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Joe Biden, LEGOs, Escape From New York, Amazon Drones, the NYC Subway & more!

"These scientists don't know what they're talking about!" - Trump typing on smart phone made by science. When they reboot Escape from New York, will it be about getting home during rush hour? The other day I was all itchy. Think it was from my last batch of laundry. Maybe something in the laundromat? I’m... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Bert & Ernie, Facebook, Batman, Poutine, Bloodhounds, & More!!

You have to give Bert and Ernie credit for being the first gay couple to gentrify a ghetto before it was cool. I heard they were changing the name of Facebook to "See, I told you so." While ordering, I made the mistake of pronouncing two different Ns in “poutine”. I fear for this country.... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Superman, Umbrellas, Mr. Ed, Robots, Bikes in NYC, Banksy, Plumbing, & More!

Superman is strong but I bet if he stepped on a Lego piece, he’d feel it. I think they’re making umbrellas disposable and not telling anybody. I wonder if the people who design my office’s plumbing knew the pipes were supposed to HOLLOW!!! We all thought robots would be like Rosie from the Jetsons or... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Bob Ross, TMNT, Rick Astley, Driver-less Cars, Marisa Tomei, the 10 Commandments, and More!

Marisa Tomei-tos isn’t a thing yet? What if you mixed Rick Astley with Afroman? "Never gonna give you up... cuz I got high. Never gonna let you down... cuz I got high!" Do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have a permit or a license to drive the party van? I mean they are teenagers. I really... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Oreos, Bloodhounds, Dating Apps, April Fools Day, Escape From New York, Sneezing, and More!!

I’m starting to realizing on these dating apps “Hi, you look different in all your pictures,” isn't a good pick up line.  This woman on the E Train just sneezed in French. Can bloodhounds get lost?  They should change the "Like" button on these dating apps to “Eh, I guess”.  If you're going to genetically... Continue Reading →

One Liners: Aaron Boone, Skeletor, Dating Apps, Old Apartments, Clothes Pins, Sabermetrics, and More!

I’m going to start a dating app called Flakr so people won’t be disappointed when the date bails on you. Aaron Boone’s managerial decisions have been tough this season. For example he was wondering what kind of grapes he should peel during the game and how many innings he can take a nap through.  I... Continue Reading →

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