EXTRA! EXTRA! JUST EXTRA HEADLINES! 6-26-19

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STOP THE PRESSES! HERE ARE SOME EXTRA HEADLINES FOR JUNE 26TH, 2019:

 

MICROWAVE STARTING TO HAVE “OVEN ENVY”

 

VERIZON SALESPERSON CAN’T BELIEVE CUSTOMER IS FALLING FOR THE OLD “USE A BANANA FOR A PHONE” GAG

 

FANS RELIEVED ENTIRE METS TEAM FORGOT THEY HAD A GAME TONIGHT

 

LOCAL POLICE OFFICER ACCIDENTALLY GIVES DRIVER CVS RECEIPT INSTEAD OF TICKET

 

PBS DISCOVERS LITTLE TREES WERE NOT AS HAPPY AS BOB ROSS CLAIMED

 

WIFE ANGRY THAT SPOUSE DOESN’T BELIEVE HER WHEN SHE SAYS SHE’S NOT ANGRY

 

PSYCHOLOGIST WAS ASLEEP THE WHOLE TIME YOU WERE TALKING

 

MAN AT GYM SWEARS TODAY WILL FINALLY BE LEG DAY

 

FLYING SQUIRRELS WERE BASE JUMPING BEFORE YOUR MANAGER BRAD THOUGHT IT WAS COOL

 

SUBWAY CONDUCTOR’S KEYS REALLY JUST TCHOTCHKES FROM BOARDWALK.

EXTRA! EXTRA! JUST EXTRA HEADLINES! 7-8-18

NotoffthePress Extra ExtraStop the Presses! Here are some EXTRA Headlines for July 8th, 2018:

 

SECRETARY OF LARPING IS SAFE FROM TRUMP FIRING BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS IT’S A THING

 

PATIENT NOT TAKING GUM-CHEWING DENTIST’S ADVICE SERIOUSLY

 

GENTRIFIER FROM BROOKLYN IRONICALLY PROTESTS COLUMBUS STATUE

 

FLAT SCREEN TV REALLY WANTS IMPLANTS

 

BODEGA CAT ALSO PARKS CARS ON WEEKEND

 

7-11 CLOSES SOMETIMES WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING

 

BARBER SHAVES MAN’S HEAD DOWN TO A NUB

 

BUS DRIVER INTRODUCES NEW JUMP, TUCK, AND ROLL DROP OFF 

 

PIGEONS JUST PATIENTLY WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT 

 

LOST ANCIENT SCROLLS TURNED OUT TO BE JUST JESUS’ RECIPE FOR A BLT

EXTRA! EXTRA! JUST EXTRA HEADLINES! 7-7-18

NotoffthePress Extra ExtraStop the Presses! Here are some EXTRA Headlines for July 7th, 2018:

 

MISSING SOCK ALMOST GIVING UP HOPE OWNER WILL COME FIND HIM

 

FISH TIRED OF BEING TEASED BY FROG FOR BEING ABLE TO BREATHE ON THE LAND TOO

 

MOTHER ASSUMES CHILDREN HEAR HER TALKING WHILE WALKING INTO OTHER ROOM

 

GRANDMOTHER TRYING TO REPLY TO GRANDCHILDREN’S FACEBOOK MESSAGE THROUGH HER TYPEWRITER 

 

PET CAT JUST CAN’T SEEM TO KILL OWNER 

 

SECOND TWIX GOES ON MURDEROUS RAMPAGE FOR NOT BEING PICKED FIRST

 

LOCKSMITH JUST TOWS YOUR CAR AWAY AFTER LOCKING YOUR KEYS IN IT FOR THE 4TH TIME 

 

TWISTA’S TONGUE GETS TIED IN KNOT AFTER RAPPING TOO FAST

 

LAWMAKERS WANT TO BAN TEXTING AND WALKING UNLESS YOU ARE MOONWALKING

 

HUSBAND FINALLY CONVINCES WIFE STRAWBERRY-BASKET-RED PAINT IS JUST A BIT REDDER THAN RED