Milford, DE – Twisting his face in a way that would make a contortionist jealous, 38-year-old Chuck Werner smelled his own breathe for the first time while wearing a mask for COVID-19 protection. “My God, why didn’t someone tell me I have the breathe of a sewage-eating dragon!” cried the shocked single man. Werner, who has done his due diligence in the fight against COVID-19, met with a rude awakening he did not expect to receive. “All these years, I’ve been on first dates and first dates only! It all makes sense now. I need to, like, buy better gum or a floss or something. Maybe a mouth air freshener. Do they make those?” wondered Mr. Stank Breathe aloud. “Get this guy a military gas mask, please! That N95 thing isn’t saving us from his personal pandemic!” exclaimed Susyn Diaz who passed Werner during her walk to the mailbox. At press time, flowers and plant life where seen wilting as Werner spoke to himself in bewilderment.
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