STOP THE PRESSES! HERE ARE SOME EXTRA HEADLINES FOR JULY 11TH, 2019:
FULL WATER BOTTLE KNOWS YOU SPENT MOST OF YOUR WORKOUT ON THE PHONE.
BALDING MAN IN DENIAL HE CAN’T GROW KICK ASS BEARD
TD BANK TELLER EATS ALL THE LOLLIPOPS ON HER FIRST DAY.
NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOR USING PAPER SHREDDER AT 3AM
FAMILY DECIDES TO GO CAMPING FOR THE WEEKEND WHILE DOG BUSY CHASING ITS TAIL
CLARK KENT STILL UNRECOGNIZABLE AS SUPERMAN EVEN AFTER SWITCHING TO CONTACTS.
HOPING TO BREAK EVEN, NEW YORK KNICKS TO START SEASON WITH -82 LOSES
FLORIST BUYS SOME PLANTS TO SPRUCE UP THE OFFICE
MECHANIC ADMITS CHECK ENGINE LIGHT MEANS YOUR CAR SECRETLY RECORDED YOU SINGING SHOW-TUNES
ASSISTANT NEVER TOOK CLOTHES TO DRY CLEANERS. JUST SWAPPED OUT HANGARS INSTEAD.
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