USPS Employee More Than Happy To Re-lick Your Envelope For You

Tacoma, WA – Smiling with a cheerfulness not seen since he was able to get his mail truck up to 30 mph on the highway, mail carrier Hank Armstrong was more than happy to re-lick Patti Miley’s envelope closed for her. “I know how tricky these things can be. You just gotta give it big old wet one!” declared Armstrong as his tongue hit the envelope like a tropical frog catching a dragonfly, “Ohhhh, this one tastes’s like strawberry too!” Standing by in state of disbelief as if she just saw Michael Jordan dunk from the foul line, Miley somehow managed to reply, “Actually, these particular envelopes have no flavor, but I ate a red Starburst candy right before I tried sealing the envelope.” At press time, Armstrong was attempting to slobber-close an entire box of records Miley’s neighbor was overnighting to Chicago.