Washington, D.C. – Without wasting a second of his time after his resignation and in true D.C. political fashion, disgraced former EPA Chief Scott Pruitt asked his staff to help him find a new job. “My staff did wonders helping my wife get the hook-up for a new high-end gig so, naturally they were the first people I would ask, ” said the morally corrupt yet strangely innocent-faced Pruitt as if he had no concept of the ethical nightmare he caused. “What no good? Oh, the resignation thing. Yeah. Uhhh… is that Robert Mueller behind you? What? No, I wasn’t going to lie about Mueller being behind you and run away. Ha, I was just kidding around! Wait.. crap that is Robert Mueller behind you. Wow, talk about serendipity!” At press time, Pruitt’s staff was not laughing at his poor attempt to fool them with the is-that-Robert-Mueller-behind-you-trick, but was laughing that Robert Mueller was really behind them coming for Scott Pruitt.