One Liners: Fourth of July, Nicki Minaj, Scott Pruitt, Urinals, Jason Voorhees, Dikembe Mutombo, and More!

You wanna get right up to the urinal, pal. This is an office bathroom not the male revue! 

My absent minded friend’s birthday is coming up. He’s so forgetful, he plans his own surprise parties. 

Scott Pruitt asked staff to find him a new job.  

Scott Pruitt can always help Santa out by putting coal in the bad kids’ stockings.

I saw an ad on Twitter for China’s state television. I blocked them so they know how it feels! So far that’s the CIA and China TV. Dikembe Mutumbo better be ready to get a finger wag. 

For Fourth of July this year, Nicki Minaj is setting off firetwerks. 

Townships down the Jersey Shore announced there will be no fireworks, but instead, they will be releasing a swarm of lightning bugs into the sky. 

Today’s forecast was hot with a chance of not making any light while taking a cab to job  number 2.

Jason Voorhees was just mad because he just wanted play hockey, but the lake wasn’t frozen during summer camp.

Why is the subway ride so looooooong?! I live in Brooklyn, not Delaware!

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