Stop the Presses! Here are some EXTRA Headlines for July 8th, 2018: SECRETARY OF LARPING IS SAFE FROM TRUMP FIRING BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS IT’S A THING PATIENT NOT TAKING GUM-CHEWING DENTIST’S ADVICE SERIOUSLY GENTRIFIER FROM BROOKLYN IRONICALLY PROTESTS COLUMBUS STATUE FLAT SCREEN TV REALLY WANTS IMPLANTS BODEGA CAT ALSO... Continue Reading →
EXTRA! EXTRA! JUST EXTRA HEADLINES! 7-7-18
Stop the Presses! Here are some EXTRA Headlines for July 7th, 2018: MISSING SOCK ALMOST GIVING UP HOPE OWNER WILL COME FIND HIM FISH TIRED OF BEING TEASED BY FROG FOR BEING ABLE TO BREATHE ON THE LAND TOO MOTHER ASSUMES CHILDREN HEAR HER TALKING WHILE WALKING INTO OTHER ROOM GRANDMOTHER... Continue Reading →
After Resigning, Scott Pruitt Asks Staff To Help Him Find New Job
Washington, D.C. - Without wasting a second of his time after his resignation and in true D.C. political fashion, disgraced former EPA Chief Scott Pruitt asked his staff to help him find a new job. "My staff did wonders helping my wife get the hook-up for a new high-end gig so, naturally they were the... Continue Reading →
Mail Carrier Doesn’t Understand Why You Don’t Just Use Email.
Fort Collins, CO- Faced with a non-figurative uphill battle while not understanding the need to pretty much wear combat boots with the uniform, exhausted mail carrier Rita Morone doesn't understand why you don't just use email. "Seriously? I have to bust my ass because Sally Somebody wants to relive the dark ages and hand write...... Continue Reading →
One Liners: Aaron Boone, Skeletor, Dating Apps, Old Apartments, Clothes Pins, Sabermetrics, and More!
I’m going to start a dating app called Flakr so people won’t be disappointed when the date bails on you. Aaron Boone’s managerial decisions have been tough this season. For example he was wondering what kind of grapes he should peel during the game and how many innings he can take a nap through. I... Continue Reading →
One Liners: Fourth of July, Nicki Minaj, Scott Pruitt, Urinals, Jason Voorhees, Dikembe Mutombo, and More!
You wanna get right up to the urinal, pal. This is an office bathroom not the male revue! My absent minded friend’s birthday is coming up. He’s so forgetful, he plans his own surprise parties. Scott Pruitt asked staff to find him a new job. Scott Pruitt can always help Santa out by putting coal... Continue Reading →
Mosquito Only Interested in Gluten-Free Humans
Ocean, NJ - Realizing the options for sustenance where not up to par with its nutritional prerogative, a mosquito decided to skip lunch Saturday because it was only interested in gluten-free humans. "I'm if going maintain my summer weight goals, I'm better served by avoiding humans containing gluten, explained the health conscientious but somewhat pretentious mosquito.... Continue Reading →