One Liners: Toto and Africa, Royal Wedding, Bartolo Colon, Sneezing with Atheists, Dating Apps, and More!

I like when you get a notification on these dating apps and you get all excited and then it’s just an update to their terms of of service. Don’t tease my emotions, Bumble!! 

I sneezed and somebody said God Bless You but he was an atheist so I feel it wasn’t very sincere.

What of a band called Africa made a song called “Toto”?

Good pick up for the Mets. Although, to get Jose Bautista, they had to make room on the IR. 

Bartolo Colon is so old his full name was “Colony” before it was changed when came to America on the Mayflower. Or something.

You know you’re a sneaker head when you watch old TV shows from the 80s and look at the sneakers and wonder if they’re making those again.

We already had a royal wedding when Jay-Z married Beyoncé.

I don’t know, I feel shorter lately. Anybody else get that?

I feel like we men have a better shot at getting laid by texting pictures of the food we cooked instead of dick pics .

It’s only noise when you’re trying to be quiet. Other than that it’s just sound. #profound