I prefer to date women who don’t use the word “seriously” twice in the same sentence. It’s so hot outside the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs. At this point, we need a middle of the road President. We’re too divided, and we don’t know what’s true any more. Either that or a cute Koala bear.... Continue Reading →
Summer Officially Started When Facebook Friend Complained How Hot It Was Outside
Manalapan, NJ - Despite what the calendar companies printed for June 21st, summer officially started three days prior as a Facebook friend complained how hot it was outside. "Ughhh, it is so hot outside I don't even feel like moving!" Facebook friend Jessica McCare tapped away on her phone's keypad before mistakenly adding a teary-eyed... Continue Reading →
Bus Driver Promises Sing-A-Long If Commuters Behave
Bridgeport, CT - Believing this was his best and most likely last shot to make the trip smoother, 57 year-old bus driver Harry Latimer promised a sing-a-long if the commuters behave. "Now listen everyone, if we can all just settle down and be quiet, I promise for the rest of the trip we can sing '99... Continue Reading →
One Liners: IHOb, Dennis Rodman, the North Korean Summit, the CIA, Justin Trudeau, and More!
Dennis Rodman arrived in Singapore early for the North Korea Summit . Makes sense. Power forwards are normally down the court first anyway. I bet the Wilpons are anxious to find the Mets some North Korean pitching prospects. That's not Dennis Rodman; that's Trumps' attitude in human form. You know the one he was going... Continue Reading →
One Liners: Toto and Africa, Royal Wedding, Bartolo Colon, Sneezing with Atheists, Dating Apps, and More!
I like when you get a notification on these dating apps and you get all excited and then it’s just an update to their terms of of service. Don’t tease my emotions, Bumble!! I sneezed and somebody said God Bless You but he was an atheist so I feel it wasn't very sincere. What of... Continue Reading →
Man With Inside-Out $10 Umbrella Determined To Get His Money’s Worth.
New York, NY - Braving the downpour with a William Wallace-like stare of shear courage and ferocity, 48-yr-old accountant Stuart Anderson marched down 6th Ave. with his inside-out $10 umbrella determined to get his money's worth. "No rains can stop us from forging ahead to the promise land! Our journey is the story they will... Continue Reading →