One Liners: Dating Apps, Social Media, Chuck E. Cheese, the Pulitzer Prize, & More!

It’s the social media era. Our heroes, have gone from role models to troll models.

This homeless guy on the train is the human form of talk radio. He’s covered everything from the government to Porzingas. I’m just waiting for the weather.

Forget dating apps. How about a break-up app? Swipe left; it’s over.

Facebook is launching a dating app? I thought Facebook was a dating app!

I’ve been on these dating apps for about two weeks now, and so far, my credit score is still the same. I don’t get it either.

Politics are like a rap battle. One minute your dissing each other, the next minute you’re doing albums together.

There’s a Pulitzer Prize for criticism. This is ironic in a world where everyone gets gets a trophy.

Sean Hannity: I only used Michael Cohen once, but I did not inhale.

This diet is great! I’m so hungry now, I’m eating more than before I went on it. 

On my dating app profile I listed “Will book Chuck E. Cheese Band for our wedding.” Too much or nah?