Derek Jeter Trades Himself Back To Yankees To Help Marlins Turn Things Around

Miami, FL – “El Capitan” himself  Derek Jeter has made another footnote in his short tenure as Miami Marlins owner with a blockbuster deal that trades himself back to the New York Yankees in order to help the Marlins turn things around. “I’m a team-first guy as you know, and I made certain when I became owner of the Marlins, I would do everything necessary to get this franchise back on the right track,” announced Jeter while buttoning up his pinstripes and securing his old Yankees cap still soaked with the sweat of victory. “It’ll be nice to come back home to the Bronx where I won’t be booed. They’re pretty tenacious down there in Miami. For a minute I thought I was in Boston! Will be nice to see Girardi agai- … wait, what do you mean he’s not the manager?”  At press time, Jeter was frantically looking to see if could back-date his trade papers to April 1st.