Washington D.C. – After sadly being named the new VA Secretary, former Trump doctor Ronny Jackson’s first order business was for some reason determining that all veterans are 6’3″, 239 lbs. “Oh really? That’s the same height and weight I announced for the president? Wow, that’s… uhh… pretty amazing, right? Well, those were my numbers. It’s not like I just use the same numbers I randomly make up for everything. Ha! Imagine if I did that? Funny right? … Guys?” stated the red-faced Jackson who apparently isn’t qualified to play poker either. “In all my years of medicine, I’ve never witnessed a doctor given an opportunity he or she was clearly unqualified and inexperienced for… Unless you count Ben Carson.” said Dr. Richard Adams, chief of staff at Howard University Hospital and Persian Gulf Veteran. At press time, Jackson was trying to determine what color lollipops he should keep in his office next to the fake plant by the window and oversized fish tank with only two fish in it.
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