I don’t trust therapists with toupees. If they can’t get over their insecurities then how am I going to get over mine?
Not only did the elevator stop at every floor but it even stopped in between a floor just see what’s good.
I think it’s time Lin-Manuel Miranda and Mark Hamill unite to create “Hamill-ton”.
It’s supposed to snow tomorrow. Make sure you overreacted today.
I consider myself a mature adult, but I still like to face the bathroom mirror and make my belly button talk like a monster.
A wedding dress shop for bridezillas called “Hellen Beck”. So when you asked the bridesmaids, they can say “Oh, for that dress we went to Hellen Beck!”
We know when Jesus’ birthday is but when is Santa’s?
Vegan Steven: Even Steven’s health conscious cousin.
What happens when you don’t know the definition of the words in the definition?
The next iPhone should be called the iPhone O. Then they should switch back to the X. Then back to the O. XOXO 😘