All the fake news that isn't fit to print!
Milford, DE - Twisting his face in a way that would make a contortionist jealous, 38-year-old Chuck Werner smelled his own breathe for the first time while wearing a mask for COVID-19 protection. "My God, why didn't someone tell me I have the breathe of a sewage-eating dragon!" cried the shocked single man. Werner,... Continue Reading →
Philadelphia, PA - Drooping his posture with a woeful melancholy expression, Revolutionary War saxophonist Nathaniel Irving Allengton was sad to learn he was left off the final version of The Sprint of '76. "As I crossed hill and yonder dale, I felt the true calling of my duty to liberty and melody. Alas, I am... Continue Reading →
Pocatello, ID - Sneaking around with the cunning of a mystery chef, the Easter Bunny added to his repertoire by hiding omelettes. "For so long, I've only hid eggs not giving much thought to the variety of options I had with them. I was at a Denny's one morning and it hit me! Duh, omelettes!!" exclaimed... Continue Reading →
Portland, OR - Pouting like a 7-year-old who was denied ice-cream before supper, college sophomore and part-time valet Danny Shroder was upset your car couldn't form a perfect geometric doughnut. "Dude, I take Advanced Geometry, bro. I know what a 360 looks like. Your clunker made more of a an oval or something twerpy like... Continue Reading →
Queens, NY - Frozen in a stone-face pose while leering with eyes filled with the fury of seventh layer of hell, 42-year-old William Whitmore really thinks the driver's license photographer is pushing it with that squeaky toy. "I just need to renew my freakin' license!! I swear to every sacred artifact on this planet, if... Continue Reading →
Tacoma, WA - Smiling with a cheerfulness not seen since he was able to get his mail truck up to 30 mph on the highway, mail carrier Hank Armstrong was more than happy to re-lick Patti Miley's envelope closed for her. "I know how tricky these things can be. You just gotta give it big old... Continue Reading →
Washington, D.C. - Without wasting a second of his time after his resignation and in true D.C. political fashion, disgraced former EPA Chief Scott Pruitt asked his staff to help him find a new job. "My staff did wonders helping my wife get the hook-up for a new high-end gig so, naturally they were the... Continue Reading →
Fort Collins, CO- Faced with a non-figurative uphill battle while not understanding the need to pretty much wear combat boots with the uniform, exhausted mail carrier Rita Morone doesn't understand why you don't just use email. "Seriously? I have to bust my ass because Sally Somebody wants to relive the dark ages and hand write...... Continue Reading →
Ocean, NJ - Realizing the options for sustenance where not up to par with its nutritional prerogative, a mosquito decided to skip lunch Saturday because it was only interested in gluten-free humans. "I'm if going maintain my summer weight goals, I'm better served by avoiding humans containing gluten, explained the health conscientious but somewhat pretentious mosquito.... Continue Reading →
Manalapan, NJ - Despite what the calendar companies printed for June 21st, summer officially started three days prior as a Facebook friend complained how hot it was outside. "Ughhh, it is so hot outside I don't even feel like moving!" Facebook friend Jessica McCare tapped away on her phone's keypad before mistakenly adding a teary-eyed... Continue Reading →